botchy nonperformancePosted: October 31, 2009 | |
I just wanna say it very quickly, “I failed the SAT!”
I let Princeton go by a gap of 160 points or so. Although, I still don’t know what’s the lowest SAT score requirement for the 2010 applicants. So, basically I want to retake it, but my dad doesn’t allow me to. Well, he said that it’d be better that now I should be more focused on the local university entrant assessments. I mean, I don’t know. I’m so confused. I don’t wanna give up my dream like this. It’s just too soon to call it an end.
However, I’m proud of myself that I could reach that quite high score; I only had more or less two months to study effectively for it and it was quite crazy because I had to divide my time for studying school materials and SAT stuff itself. I’m still thankful that I did not fail the maths section and the essay. I can’t forget those flash cards that contain kazillion of ‘alien’ words which trust me, I won’t be using for the rest of my daily life. I can’t forget those unbearably thick practice books that successfully made me sleep so late at night. So many unforgettable things during my preparation that I can only reminisce now.
The question is should I give up? Or should I give another shot? I have no idea to be honest; with the fact that now I’m more conscious that I’m not that confident to be able to compete with other talented students across the States and not to mention other international students. I don’t have any ‘astounding’ outside school activities or extracurriculars. I haven’t done any concrete, reputable or even notable good deeds that affect many people’s lives. I haven’t won any competitions in my high school record. I’m not that clever among my school-mates. Then, it’s not only about the SAT, but also those ‘supporting’ materials that can boost your charisma before the university’s eyes. Even if my score was absolutely a perfection, there were gonna be other considerations that I doubted that mine would win their hearts. I’m just another kid with another huge, unreachable dreams needless to say. Big mouthed, aren’t I? Yeah, whatever.
At the very least, I tried, I already made an effort. I gave my very best shot. I regret nothing, but myself whom just too late to realise that it is very hard indeed. Think before you decide, will you?
p.s. I’m not afraid of failing, but it sucks deep down inside